We went to see mama and she was in her bed, screaming to get out of this jail. They try to put her in there but all she does some days is scream and so I told them to get her back up and I would visit with her. They did and she didn’t know who I was, but was just glad that I saved her from jail. We were sitting at the table and Irv put a tiny bite of milky way in her mouth and she made “THE FACE”. It’s like nothing I can describe. It‘s like the worst thing anyone could have in their mouth and she spit it out. Then she put her fingers on the table and said,” Monday, Tuesday, Threesday, Foursday, Fivesday, we cracked up laughing. You just can’t help it sometimes, the things she will come out with. Then she told us that somebody had stolen her horse. She insisted she had one and someone took it and I told her we would look for it. She NEVER had a horse. This other resident came up and told us she needed a ride to work and was going to be late if we didn’t take her and we told her we didn’t have a car.

It‘s into November now and mama never asks for me anymore because she has forgotten who I am. I got to Hudson about time for feeding. Mama was at the feeding table and I stood back and watched what was going on. Mama fought every bite they tried to give her. She looked like swallowing was giving her problems. I walked up and touched her shirt and she looked at me like she could kill me and said, “”leave that alone it’s mine“. I said, “Pardon me miss.” The aid laughed and said Ms Perrin, “you have asked for your family all day” and mama said, “I don’t see no family.” I said, “Well, who am I” and she said,” I don’t know you.” Finally I saw she wasn’t going to eat, so we took her out. We were in the activity room and the cat jumped up right in mama’s face, up on the table and she couldn’t see it and I took her hand and put it on the cat and she said, “Whose head is that?” I told her, it was a cat and she said, “I don’t see no cat.” She acted like she couldn’t see anything, like blind. I pushed her out and told the aid that I didn’t think mama could see anything, and the aid looked at her in the face and said, “What color is my shirt and mama said, blue.” I liked to fell out. It’s the strangest thing, heck, everything she does is strange. The aid said, “you sure are pretty” and mama said, “thank you, just as plain as day.” We had spent all that time with her and she couldn’t talk, see, and knew nothing and this aid walks up and she’s like fine. It’s really nerve racking and it just goes on and on.

We pushed mama outside and she acted like she didn’t know she was out. She would hear a car and ask what’s that? And I would tell her it’s a car but she couldn’t see it and I don’t think she even remembers cars. Irv asked “what’s your name “and she said, “Dorothy King“. I said, “it is“? Sometimes her name is King, sometimes Smith, sometimes Perrin, it’s according to what age she thinks she is. She looked at Irv and asked his name and he said, “You don’t know?” and she said, “No, but I see you around here a lot,” and then she said, “I see you around here too,” to me, and I said, “yeah, I am around a lot”. Then she says, “where are my boys?” and we wondered who that was. She said” my folks never come and see me“. Irv said, “Who are we “and she said, “I don’t know,” so it’s really pointless.

She thought Blake was Evelyn, and I was Blake’s niece, and Irv was his uncle. Blake had never seen her this bad. When we got tired of the name game, we asked her to sing Amazing Grace and she sang it (not very good mind you) but she remembered all the words and it’s just amazing, how Alzheimer’s works. Then Irv asked her to sing another and she broke out into, Oh How I Love Jesus. That was more than I could stand and I cried and cried. She can’t say one sentence but she can sing 3 verses of that song and remember every word. To watch her sing, Oh how I love Jesus and mean it, sitting here it this shape, it’s heartbreaking but it warms your heart too. It’s something I will not understand till I get to heaven and Jesus will tell me WHY?

Mama’s bottom teeth came up missing and now she just won’t have any because, it would be impossible to fit her with any. Hospice called me and said mama was having trouble getting words out and probably another mini stroke. Nothing to do about it. The nurse asked mama what she was doing for Thanksgiving and mama told her that her mama was cooking dinner for all of them. The nurse said, “I knew her mama would have to be 120 at least and I figured she wouldn‘t be cooking.” When we got there mama was in the hall hollering, “Lord, I want to go home.” Her room-mate died yesterday but mama doesn’t know it.

When we went today, mama told me that someone was trying to straighten her nose. I told her that her nose had always been crooked so don’t’ worry about it. I sat down and said” well, now who’s here to see you” and she said, “my mama and my sister.” I said, “OK, how are they” and she said, “Good.” Then she asked if Poppo (her 2nd husband who's been dead for many years)) had been to see her and that’s the first time she’s mentioned him since she’s been at Hudson(3 years). Mama was talking where we couldn’t understand her and she asked something about me riding a bike and I told her I didn’t and she said, me too. Then, out of the blue, she said, “Is that you Patty?” and I said, “Yes” and she said, “Thank you” and I said, “for what?” and she said, “just for being here?” That broke me, again. I told her I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I loved her. She does understand sometimes and knows I’m there, sometimes. When she can’t talk she might still be able to think and know, and so I will always be with her.

This was a funny thing. There was a lady that came every Sunday and sang for the residents and bless her for trying, but she couldn’t sing. No one seemed to mind as long as someone came and sang. But she was REALLY hard on the ears. We heard her tell someone, that God gave her a voice, so she could come and sing for them. My poor old mama, who doesn’t know much and can’t hear, says, “NOW, THAT’S REALLY BAD”, and I laughed and said, “Well she comes to sing for you” and mama says, “NO THANKS”. The next day we came, mama had no top teeth in and we found she had had another stroke and they wouldn’t fit in again, so they are back in the cup, AGAIN.

It was the first of December and poor mama was lost. She had rolled around and got off down the other hall and couldn’t find her way back, she just rolls around till someone takes her back but we found her and took her back that day. I kidded the nurses, that they had lost my mama. They were putting up the Christmas tree and it’s a beautiful, 9 foot tree, and we pushed mama right up to it, filled with lights and ornaments and she didn’t see it. We couldn’t understand one word today. She has a new roommate and she doesn’t know anyone is there. Pitiful to live within 3 feet of someone and don’t know they’re there.

Poor Blake went today and he was sitting there in the activity room and mama said, “Who are you“? He said,” Blake “and she said “who’s he?” And I said,” mama, he’s my grandson and your great grandson” and she said, “Where did we get him?” I said. “He’s Melissa’s son” and she said, “well, I don’t know where you came from but I’m glad to meet you “and he just said, “I’m glad to meet you too.” Blake got a lot of Alzheimer’s education, early in his life. He was always good with all the old people, both at church and Hudson. Blake had his guitar and played some for her and she sat with her head hanging down. She could hear the playing, but didn’t know where it was coming from.

She looked at Irv and asked who he was. He said, “Irv,” and she said, “I should remember that since I have a brother named Irv( NO SHE DOESN”T).” He said, “That’s Patty over there,” and she said, “Where?” I said, “Right here” and she said, “You don’t look like you, do I look like me?” I said, “Yes, mama, you look like you.” Then she was back on Irv, “Who are you?” “Irv,” “Oh, I have a nephew called Irv and a grandson called Irv,” she says. It’s So Weird.

She asked, “Who’s that?” Irv said, “That’s Patty”. Mama laughed and said, “THAT’S NOT PATTY. “Patty’s my granddaughter". He said, “Really, well what’s your name?”and she says, “Patty.” And on it went. Talk about getting on your nerves. Mama asked me, “When I get through with junior high, what grade will I be in?” I said, “You’re through with school, you don’t go anymore” and she said, “well that’s good.” She said her name was Dorothy Wilma Smith( her childhood name)We talked to the new room-mates husband and he told us she had Alzheimer’s too, but she had gotten real mean and I hoped she wouldn’t hurt mama, or hit her. We quickly found out that she WAS mean and hateful. I was glad mama didn’t know.

Michael came home before Christmas and went to see mama. She didn’t know him and called him IRRVV. She kept drawing it out and then we laughed and she would laugh and then draw it out again. I guess laughing is better than crying. We all went to the Christmas party and Michael had to keep holding mama because she wanted to run off. She couldn’t understand anything going on and of course, couldn’t see. Finally she wanted to go to bed and so I took her and she went to bed. We stayed for some snacks and then left. Christmas is a thing of the past for her too. She doesn’t know about anything. It was Christmas Eve and Irv and I went to see mama. She thought Irv was my daddy, who’s been dead for over 40 years, called him Earl and asked him if he still ran the potato chip route. We couldn’t get off of it and I told Irv to just agree and that’s what we did. She thought she was living in the potato chip truck, that my daddy used to have 50 years ago. Mama didn’t know it was Christmas Day but Irv and I spent the afternoon with her. I just knew it would be her last Christmas. She’s gone back to the old days. She talked about wishing her sisters would come and having her baby, and her mama and daddy. She still isn’t eating and it’s been so long, she’s SO thin.