Mama didn’t remember Michael had even been there and Blake and I were visiting with her. She kept sleeping and I said, “Why don’t you sing me something.” She started singing, When the roll is called up yonder, and remembered most of the words, but we had to be close to hear her. She can’t carry a tune anymore but when she sings and you tell her it sounds good, she just smiles and that makes it ok. I asked them why they didn’t put her to bed for a nap since she sleeps in the chair and they says when they put her in bed that she sits right up and hollers till they let her out. She won’t lay in that bed with the rails, cause she’s hardheaded. She was trying to tell me something and I couldn’t hear. I finally figured out that she thought she had lost the thing off her arm. I told her it was the BP machine and they took it off. Then she started back to trying to drink from a cup she didn’t have and I kept giving her a drink and then she would think she was holding it again. Then she said to me, I wish I wasn’t stupid and I told her she wasn’t stupid, she was sick.

We went today and mama was way down the hall. She pushes her chair with her feet and one hand. I went to get her and she had her teeth in her hand. She said,” I don’t want these, I can’t stand them“. So I took them and put them in her room. She was having more trouble swallowing again. She made a awful face when she drank. I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn’t know but something was. Then after a while she asked where her teeth were and I said , “In your room,” and she said she wanted them and I put them back in with no problem. SO strange. She sat quite for a while and then said, “I want to see mama and daddy and the kids.” I looked at Irv, it hurt me so bad. She just sat and looked so sad and never lifted her head and soon I had to go.

One day she’s a little better and the next she’s worse and we never know when another stroke will hit. When we had to go today, mama said, “I’m ready, lets go” and Irv said, “we can’t take you” and she says, “why not” and he said,” I can’t get you in the car” and she said, “why not, I’m not fat.” He said, “Mommo, I can’t get you in” and she said,” I thought all cars held more people than that” “and he said “it’s not your size, I can’t pick you up” and she said “I can walk” and he said “no you can’t” and she said, “I walk all the time“. He took her to her room and she asked, “who was there” and he said, “your roommate “and she said “do I know her,?” and she lives with her every day. He said,” Yes you know her.” Marion said, “there’s my girl back” and mama doesn’t have a clue who her roommate is. Mr. Benny was sitting at the eating table hollering, “Hurry , hurry, my butt hurts.” Now, that was funny. We took off and went home.

I went and talked with the nurses and they said mama was only eating like 0%-10% of her food. She’s always cold and always has on jog suits and sweaters. I tried to feed her and she would take in a little bite and then make a awful face. After each bite she said, I thought I was through. I told her she needed to eat to get better and she would eat one bite and say it was all she wanted. I think she’s lost all her taste buds and her want for food. I tried and told them I wouldn’t try again because I didn’t have the patience for it. There was a lady sitting there at the feeding table with Parkinson’s and she shakes all time and can’t do for herself but she has the best attitude and say, there’s anyways someone worse off then her. She’s so nice and never has any visitors and she gets tired of hearing mama grip all the time.

The next day they put mama’s tray down and weren’t’ ready to feed her and I saw her reach and put her hands in the mashed potatoes cause she couldn’t see and no one was taking care of it, so I got stuck again ,trying to feed her. She wasn’t interested in eating, as usual. She thinks the food is hot when it’s cold and she doesn’t like it or it’s sour or she’s full. She wouldn’t eat, so I gave up. Alzheimer’s people tell us if they don’t want it, don’t force it. I don’t think mama would say a word anymore if they never fed her. She doesn’t get hungry or ask for food anymore. She does ask for drink and says she’s dry.

I sat and watched some of the aids force feeding the residents ,one started to cry cause she didn’t want it and one would spit it back out and they would poke it back in and I know that’s wrong and I told them, DO NOT force feed mama. If she wants it , feed her and if she doesn’t want it, leave her alone. We got there today and mama was asking for her mama and daddy again. She didn’t have any teeth in her mouth again. I talked to her and she asked who I was. I said” Patty” and she said” are you sure, you don’t sound like her”? I told her I was. Then we asked about her teeth and she said they hurt and back in the cup they went. After a while we tried again and after a few tries we got them back in. We went out and she promptly went to sleep but got hot and we had to go back in. I put her at the feeding table and I noticed she wasn’t’ moving her left hand at all. She just left it lying in her lap. She said something was hurting her face but we couldn’t find anything.

We were going on a short trip and I was worried about leaving mama. I had no one I could count on everyday and I asked the hospice, if they will check every day and call me and they said they would and so that made me feel better. Mama was so skinny, her skin was hanging and peeling off her little hands. I got some lotion and sat and rubbed on her hands and all you felt is bones and floppy skin. She’s so wrinkled. I’m thankful that she can’t see the tears running down my face. She kept asking where Patty and Irv are. We tried to get her to turn her head or eyes but couldn’t. Mama picked up her left hand with her right and said, “Here, this must be yours.” And I said ,“no mama “and she said ,“then it must be Irv’s cause it’s not mine.” I said, “It’s attached to your arm, Mama, it’s your hand “and she said, “I don’t remember having any.” It’s so awful. When it was time for us to go she said, “You’re not going to leave me in this fishing camp“? And we said, it’s the dining room where you stay all the time. I wish I could help her someway.

Next day I went and I was going to rub lotion on her hands and she had her fingers intertwined and I couldn’t get them apart. She acted like they were supposed to be like that. But she doesn’t think she has but one hand.

Mama kept asking for Patty and I kept telling her I was right there. Mr. Benny was sitting there asking Irv to go get his car so he could go home and Irv told him it wasn’t out there and he said then his wife must have it( she has been dead for years) he said she better bring it back, so he could go home. Another lady kept asking to go with us and thought we should take her. Mama was herself, about not wanting to be left. Ms Dixie was in bad shape but not complaining at all. She has the Parkinson’s.

One reason I go so often is to make sure they are doing what they should. We found mama rolling down the hall with her hair( what she had left) glued down to her head and no teeth in her mouth. If she wasn’t a sight. I know if she had a clue that she looked like that, she would just die of a heart attack on the spot. I took her down the hall , found the head nurse and said” LOOK“. I had to complain so much and she’s always nice and tries to help me. I told her I was tired of those aids ,slicking mama’s hair down to her head, and letting her go without teeth and putting her hearing aids in upside down or in the wrong ears. She said she would fix the problems. I told her last week that I had the beauty shop do mama’s hair and the next morning they slicked her hair to her head and glued it with spray. I took mama back to the table and mama asked if it was hers. I told her yes it was. I got her teeth and put them back in and tried to unglue the hair as best I could. Then she said she was afraid she had lost her glasses but had them on her face. They don’t do her any good but she’s used to them. I took mama to the nail room and Mary says that they have to wait their turn and mama won’t and she rolls off before she gets her nails done, so Mary wrote mama’s name on her hand ,so when it was her turn ,they could go get her.