On her birthday I fixed 8 cakes and took them so we could share with all the residents and staff. The staff came and sang happy birthday to her because she kept asking who was going to sing to her. She’s just like a kid. We had gifts but she couldn’t see anything and didn’t know what they were. She kept worrying about how long we were staying and when we were leaving. I told her to just enjoy her party and forget about that. It didn’t help, she kept it up. We stayed 3 hours that afternoon and it didn’t matter. I told her, she should be glad that I did all those cakes and had her a nice party and she said” ok, BUT, I don‘t want you to leave”. I pushed her chair over to where Elaine( a resident) was and told her we were leaving and mama started begging and Elaine told her to shut up, she was tired of hearing it. Elaine doesn’t hardly ever get a visitor and she‘s sick of mama, who gets someone everyday, gripping all the time.

We were into April now, I had a great idea, to take my laptop to Hudson and let mama look at pictures. I had good intentions but she couldn’t even see the screen, a 17" one, must less the pictures. I had no idea that my good idea, that was meant to make her feel better, made her cry, ‘cause she couldn’t see them. She cried and said how much she wanted to see. It was the first time I realized how far gone her eyes were. I felt so bad and told her to remember that she hadn’t been able to read in a long time and her eyes weren’t any worse but they were, and I think she knew it too. We had to keep working to get her mind off her eye sight. I won’t make that mistake again either. It’s better to just never try anything different, because you just don’t know what it will bring.

I used to sit down there and watch the old people spit on the floor or on you, if you passed them, and I hoped mama would never do that. Well, today she sat there eating popcorn and turned to me and said” this isn’t good and spit it out on the floor. I told her not to spit and she continued to do it. The only answer is, don’t look. You really see it all down there. Ms. Lila rolling around hollering, I’m dying, and getting louder until an aid told her to hush. They gave her popcorn and she ate some and then spit it out and threw the bag on the floor. The lady beside us took out her teeth and her sister said” where is world did you get gum”? She didn’t know and it’s no telling and the sister had to go clean her teeth. One lady had her baby in her lap that she was taking care of( a doll), Mama’s hearing aids didn’t work and we fixed them, one man fell out of his chair and busted his head, another lady poured her drink all over herself and another threw her drink on another resident. Never a dull moment there.

It was a beautiful day and real warm and so we took the chance to take mama outside since that was her favorite place and we thought she would like it. She hadn’t been out 5 minutes till she was SOO cold. She had on a jogging suit, zipped up to the neck and she was freezing. Too cold, that she couldn’t stand it and had to go back inside. We can’t win. Last night I was home and the phone rings with mama’s id. I answered and mama says, ”Patty, I’m in this hospital and I can’t get this thing off me. I said” what thing, she didn’t know. I told her to give someone else the phone and Ladonna came on. She had called the number. I asked her what was wrong and she said” your mama can’t get her top off”. I said well, unzip it” ,then I told her to call the aid to help mama. She did and I waited on the phone till someone came. Lord, it’s bad when she has to call me cause she can’t take off her shirt. She’s not supposed to be taking it off anyway, but she doesn’t wait for them to come. Mama is so hard headed, they aren’t fast enough for her. The next day, mama started telling Irv that she was glad to be home and he asked where she had been and she told him she didn’t know but it was on a plane. She told us to ask someone there, where they went, we said ok. She pulled the same thing about outside, so I guess now she doesn’t want to go out anymore where it used to be her best day. It was cold, the wind blew her hair, so she didn‘t like it.

Mama’s roommate and mama are about the same. The aid says they both want her to stay with them and she waits till she has all her other residents done and then come and does them and sits between them and holds their hands ,so they can go to sleep. Thank God for aids that will do it.

This must have been a hollering day at Hudson. Mama was in the same place hollering, “ I want to go home.” (loud) Ms Lila was yelling, “Jesus, I’m dying.” She yells loud and never stops. Then she shut her eyes and hollered, “Jesus I’m dead.” She’s 102. One man starts to cuss, awful and loud. Mama keeps “ I want to go home,” or “where‘s Patty” or “I’m bored”. Seems like one starts and others follow. One wants her baby, one lady carries a huge bunny rabbit all the time, one gets into everything and takes whatever she can get her hands on, one man, takes out his teeth and drops them on the floor and puts them back in, I was about to lose it. A guy that worked there said,” I’m going to make a song and it’s going to go, Jesus I’m dying, Jesus, I’m dead, yes I am, I want to go home, I‘m bored, I want my baby and I want my bunny and he kept singing and putting together everything they were hollering and we were all cracking up. It was so funny. As I said before, you have to laugh or go nuts yourself.

Bill only was going on weekends and he went and called me and said, “When did she get so bad? She’s out of it.” I said,” no kidding, tell me about it”. I have it everyday. He stayed a little while and left, ‘cause he couldn’t stand it. I got there and everyone started towards me saying, We’re sure glad you are here, she hasn’t seen you in weeks. (joke) Mama said, “Why do you leave me so long?” Poor thing. She just doesn’t know anything .The head nurse came up and said, she hasn’t seen you in months. She laughed. She says she wakes up hollering for me and goes to sleep hollering for me. All she has is the moment and that’s why I feel I have to go everyday. Everyone tells me I should quit going everyday and take care of me and I tell myself I will and then I think how pitiful she is and that’s she’s sitting there ,looking for me and I end up going.