Hudson called and said we needed to come. We got there and mama didn’t know anything or recognize anything or anyone. She didn’t know us. We had been here before and knew it was mini strokes. The nursing home called the doctor and she told them there wasn’t anything to do. She’s so confused. It must be so awful for her. She always feels lost and alone.

Hudson did have a Halloween party today. Irv and I went and were the judges for the costume contest. It was fun to see the costumes of the aids, nurses, office staff dressed up. We choose Nelda the hairdresser. She dressed as a Sumo wrestler. As always, mama kept asking what we were doing and didn’t have a clue. The next day, Beverly called and said mama was having fits and saying she couldn’t hear at all. We went and took her to Audibel and her ears were full of wax and she couldn’t hear, so they cleaned them and we took her back. We weren’t gone a hour till they called back and said mama was having fits because we had left her at some place she didn’t know and she was lost. We turned around and went back to try to calm her and she told us not to leave her uptown because she would get lost and didn’t know that other woman who was with us. There wasn’t anyone there. Then she told us she was at the courthouse and that’s where she called from. It just gets worse.

This was the second year we had been at Hudson for the Roundup. They had the White Mustang band and a nice supper for everyone. Mama was in awful shape. Last year she clapped her hands and had a great time but this year, she didn’t know what was going on. I had to feed her and I would try to point out people or things to her but she couldn’t understand. It’s at these times, I can see how much she’s regressed. The next day, she didn’t even remember they had a party. She needed to go to the bathroom and went in someone else’s room and I had to go get her out.

It was just before Thanksgiving 2005 and mama called and said she couldn’t see and couldn’t find anything. Her eyes must be getting really bad. Someone had called my number for her. Beverly had gone home and mama can’t do anything without her telling mama what to do. I hate the thought of her going all the way blind and it looks like she’s headed there. Alzheimer’s will make them think they can’t see when they can. It’s so strange. On Thanksgiving Day we went to Hudson and ate with her. I had to feed mama but they had a great lunch. Melissa and Blake came too. Mama told us that she thought this was a great place to eat and we should eat here more often. She really thought that we had taken her somewhere else to eat. That’s a GOOD thing. We never have to worry about taking her again because she doesn’t know the difference in a place she eats every meal, everyday, or a place we took her. After lunch we took her outside and it was nice out there, a beautiful sunny day.

It had been a while since we had taken mama out in a car, so we tried to take her riding today. We got her in the car, by the hardest, and she was thrilled. I know the days have to be so long for her, just sitting in that chair. I sat in the back seat and watched her trying to see things, like she had never seen them before. I knew she couldn’t see very much anyway, but seeing her looking like a little child with a smile on her face, was worth the trouble. She kept saying, I remember that, but she never knew where we were. After we rode her around, we took her to Wal-Mart and got a wheelchair and rolled her around in there and then took her to the back to the McD’s and got her a hamburger. Then we got her back in the car and took her back. We knew she wouldn't remember it, but that day she got to have a little enjoyment for a moment.

Mama started out December, like she left November, gripping and flipping out because Beverly had gone home. She thinks she’s all alone in this big place. I made the mistake of telling her Michael was coming home for Christmas and she remembered that and ask me everyday if he was here yet. I would tell her, it’s not time yet. One day, I went in and she’s sitting with a ugly look on her face, mad again, and the aid told me she said no one loved her and she was always alone. She saw me and said” Well, I guess Michael has come and gone and didn’t even come to see me.” I said, “Mama I’m so sick of that, you have accused me of that for the last 3 weeks and you know, he wouldn’t come without seeing you. He hasn’t come yet”. I know it’s wrong of me to get mad at her but sometimes I can’t help it. The aid said” you know Beverly left and I said, “ Yes, I can look at her ugly face to tell that.” The aid tried to talk to mama and tell her she didn’t know how lucky she was that she had a daughter that came everyday like I did and that most of the residents didn’t ever have a visitor, but mama didn’t care.

I got there one day and mama was sitting in the dining area and they were having a birthday party and eating cake but mama wasn’t. I asked her why she wasn’t eating and she said she didn’t know they had anything. They aid told me that she had said she didn’t want any. She told me her eyes were bothering her a lot and I knew they must be bad, for her to admit it. I got her some cake and she ate it.

Later that night, after dark, we got her in the car and took her to see the lights. I figured that it would be the last time she would ever get to see Christmas lights and I had to try. She had always loved to see the lights, at Christmas. We didn’t get out of the driveway, before she started saying how pretty it was and we hadn’t gotten to any yet. We soon found out that we had to stop right in front of a house and point her finger and tell her to follow her finger, to get her to see the lights and she still wasn’t seeing them very good. I sat in the back seat and cried ,as I watched her trying so hard to see and wanting to see and saying, OH, how pretty the lights were. We had her out about 2 hours driving around and when we took her back, the sundowners was in full swing. She had forgotten where she belonged, her room and everything there. We had to go get the aid and nurse and they had to promise her, that they would stay with her all night before we could leave. I know they hated me for taking her out and messing her up, but I just felt that I HAD to let her see the Christmas lights, one more time in her life.

Michael and his family came home for Christmas. It was the night of the nursing home Christmas party and we all went. Mama was so confused. They had her sitting in the "choir", when she saw us, she kept running off and they had to keep bringing her back. She had gotten back a little of her voice and could sing some, not good. After they sang, she came over with us. She didn’t have a clue what we were doing but she knew Michael and he sat by her and had to hold on to her, ‘cause she kept forgetting where she was and why and asking where Patty was. I was right there. They had Santa and elfs and gift giving time. They had good food and the place was packed. We told her Michael would come back tomorrow and sing for her. We went back on Sunday, and Michael and Sandy, sang and played for all the residents and we visited along time with mama and when we had to leave, she begged to go with us and I had to tell her she couldn’t go this time. Michael told her he would be going back home in the morning and would come back and tell her bye and he did. She sure didn’t like that and I felt sorry for her.

Christmas Eve, she didn’t even know Michael had been there, sang or anything. We visited her and she asked, “Where do I go“, when we started to leave. I told her this was her house and she stayed here. She said, “Are you sure?” So pitiful. I was thankful that she didn’t know when it was Christmas day. We gave her gifts but she didn’t know why or what for.

It’s the last day in December and we took mama a Wendy’s salad that she’s always liked. I had to feed her. She couldn’t even see the fork when I stuck it up in the salad. We were eating in the activities room and she thought that we were at Wendy’s. She told us that it had been a long time since she had been here to eat. Then when we took her back to her room, it all looked different to her again and she didn’t know where she was.

They had a Hudson New Year’s Party and Blake was with us. He had never seen mama as bad as she was today. Mama asked Blake, who, she see’s all the time, what grade he was in. He said 8th and she asked me, what grade she was in. We couldn’t help but laugh and I told her she was out of school and she asked ,“how long had I been out” and I told her about 75 years, and she said, “I HAVE?” we all cracked up laughing, even her, though she didn‘t know what we were laughing at. Sometimes you just have to laugh or you will cry.

Then Doc called her and she was so messed up and he had never talked to her when she was that bad and it bothered him. She told him all kind of stuff that didn’t make sense and then she would say he wanted to talk to me and give me the phone and I would try to explain to him and put her back on the phone and she would do the same thing again. She had forgotten how to use the phone too.