I got to Hudson about 9 and took her into their church service and singing and then took her rolling around. I said” did Bill come last night? She said, “yes, he came and took her the Assembly of God church, where they heard a program and music”. She let me know how much she enjoyed it. At first that threw me and then she continued, that she couldn’t believe that LaVerne had taken Francis and Stella over there too. Then I knew she made it all up, ‘cause those ladies couldn’t have gone anywhere.

It was time for lunch and I tried to sit her at a table but each one, she had a reason that she didn’t want to sit there. I left her there at one and came back after a while. She started telling me again how she went to that singing with Bill and then she spent the night with someone across the street. As I was leaving, Bill was coming in and I told him about what she said. He told me, that he didn’t think mama should have ever been put in here, and if I hadn’t done it and let her go home, where she wanted to be, then she would have her memory and be ok. I couldn’t believe it. I was so hurt. I had shouldered this whole load by myself and he hurt me more than I could stand. Every person in here wants to go home, but aren’t able to and he knows full well that mama isn’t able to go home. I didn’t say anything because I was so upset and he hurt me after all I had been through. Irv and I went at noon and mama was in her room trying to figure out the button. They told me she refused to eat out in the dining room, so I took her tray to her room and fed her there. While she ate, she told us about her therapy and how great it was and how good she did. The aid heard mama telling us about therapy and told us that mama hadn’t even had therapy yet today. We stepped out for her to go to the bathroom and when we came back she was in bed. I asked her why and she said she was tired. Then started telling me about how awful it was of Aunt Gladys (her sister) to put their mama in a nursing home. I didn’t say anything, but wanted to say, well, if you had wanted to take care of her, you could have taken her to your house but you didn’t. She knows she didn’t, and that her mama died in a nursing home of Alzheimer’s and mama hardly ever went to see her. None of them did. It was a awful place too, where you were put and left. I can still remember that place, with its smell and how dark it was and the crazy people hollering behind locked doors and grandma laying in a bed that looked like a big baby bed. I think mama is remembering that place and her mama and knows that she didn’t take care of her.

I’m sick and I’m tired and my nerves are shot. For some reason, noises scare mama, like doors slamming or something dropping. The phone rang and she couldn’t find it or answer it. I answered and it was her brother Walter, I gave it to her but she couldn’t figure out how to put it to her ear. So I told him she couldn’t use the phone right now. He doesn’t understand much himself. Then we went over her cards again, they are new each and every time. Mama has forgotten how to read and has read all her life. She will look at the books, but can’t remember how to turn a page but she doesn’t read what’s on the first page, anyway. She will look at it and then put it down.